This year marks two years since the dissolution of a friendship of eight years with someone I considered my best friend at the time. The details of how we got to that point are unimportant. However, the gems and life lessons learnt from that situation are invaluable and can be used as a mental checklist when meeting and making new friends.
- Never assume it will not be you
Firstly the word ASSUME will always make an “ass of you and me” every single time. Human beings have patterns and as we learn more about people we can begin to see the good, the bad, and sometimes the ugly about people. Traits that you observe in people that are not desirable to you as your friend should be noted and never overlooked. How people treat others is exactly how they can eventually treat you. If someone has a very reckless mouth that can be turned on you. If someone is quick to choose violence that can be turned on you. If someone speaks or acts before thinking rationally that can be done to you. Just because you are friends with someone or they like and idolize you does not mean that you are above that person’s true authentic self and how they treat others. Simply put, never assume it will not be you at some point. It can be that day, tomorrow or eight years down the road.
- People who are slow to anger
During the dissolution of the friendship, someone who I now consider a very close friend offered me so much support, love, and advice. One piece of advice that I now share with you is do not overlook people who are quick to anger. Similarly to the first point mentioned (never assume it will not be you), that anger can be turned around onto you. You want people around you who can pause and control themselves before jumping towards anger and acting irrationally. Anger is an extremely strong emotion that drives us but as we get older it is important to control our emotions.
- Choose people who are on the same wavelength as you
I cannot stress this enough. Everyone matures at different stages which is totally fine. However, this means that we have to choose people who are on a similar level to you. Sometimes you have passed a stage in life that one of your friends or potential friend is now going through. This can mean letting some people go after some time because you have grown apart whether mentally, physically, financially, emotionally, or spiritually. Also, give yourself grace, as someone else may have matured faster than you and that may mean letting you go. Do not take it personally but as a moment of self-reflection for yourself.
- Listen to your intuition about people
Your intuition never lies to you. In fact, sometimes it may be the only truth you have heard in a while. Take time to listen to your body. What is your body telling you? How does your body feel around that person? Sometimes you can’t quite put your finger on it about a person. However, give it time, be open to changes, and do not dismiss the tiny or huge context clues.
We all want friends to navigate this world with and it can be super difficult to find quality friends. However, do not rush and take time to enjoy the period of singlehood. Life can be fun with friends but remember that you can have a whole lot of fun with just you. I hope these tips help you as they have helped me!
Don’t forget to drop a gem in the comments
